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March 15, 2019

"Fate" can sometimes seem like a cruel joke, especially when in the context of "time" and creating things earlier in our experience which at the time seemed quite simple and creative in the moment. And then, years later you find out just how prophetic and poignant to the current moment your creation from all those years ago is…

Following are the lyrics to a song I wrote about 22 years ago, as a wager with my now domestic partner, who insisted all those years ago that I couldn’t write a song that would make him cry … yes, the very same domestic partner that I’ve been going through the, "most difficult and ostensively painful personal relationship experiences of my life" with … It is effectively over with, even as I type this, at least in my heart it is, though I still have many plans to make and put into effect before I can remove myself from my current living situation. The song in question did not make him cry then, at least that is what he told me… then. I realize now that it probably should have but he seems to have this flaw in his character which does not allow him to respond emotionally the way that other people might. If he were to read the lyrics/hear the song today, would it make him cry? Probably not. Although, he seemed to be slightly moved when this morning I sent him a link to a YouTube video of an excerpt from the musical theater production of "Cats" and the song "Memory" - you can view the video by searching YouTube for Cats Memory Elaine Paige if you’d like - his two word response to the video? "That’s poignant 😢" I don’t know if you can count the sad face as a word or not.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to that song I penned so long ago - maybe I really wrote it about my own future experiences - prophetically…

"Grains of Sand"

"Grains of sand, forgotten children of the Earth
Doomed to ride the wind from birth
And beneath them all, a treasure lay
Hidden even to this very day

No one ever knew what once was there
Beneath the Grains of Sand

Gusts of wind, forever with the grains of sand remain
Forever blow across the driven plain
And above it all, a thin wan wail
Given over death to no avail

No one ever knew what once was there
Above the gusts of wind

How many hearts must be broken
By all the words we leave unspoken?
What is this fear that consumes us
Until we can no longer reveal
The truth about the way we feel?

You tried to tell your tale
But no one listened to your words
And when they tried to mock your inner child
You simply smiled, and wounded
Turned away

Grains of sand, are falling freely from your outstretched hand
Like memories of pain you couldn’t stand
Now your life is like the page betrayed
Scattered, ripped and torn apart

No one ever knew what beauty lay
Within your gentle heart

Grains of sand, forgotten children of the Earth
Doomed to ride the wind from birth
And beneath them all, a treasure lay
Hidden even to this very day

No one ever knew what once was there
Beneath the Grains of Sand"

So I ask the question again - would the song make him cry today, especially under our current circumstances? It’s hard to say, but again, knowing what I know about him now, probably not … I wish I would have known then what I know now …

Monday, March 11, 2019

it’s an interesting thing how this date, 11 March, 2019, elicits feelings of Twin Flame togetherness… I know I’ve indicated in the past having a certain uneasiness with the seeming need of our culture to label everything, but since I really don’t know what else to call it, I’ll stick with what seems to be standard label and understanding which most seem to have for that - Twin Flame.

I’ve been having a lot of learning experiences with my own (TF) lately - learning experiences, and help g(r)o(w)ing through one of the most difficult and ostensively painful personal relationship experiences of my life. As always Michael has been right there beside me, trying as best he can to guide me through it all. This would have much easier for both of us but for the nature of the difficulties I’d been experiencing, and how they resulted in my self-perception of being unworthy of Michael’s help, let alone any kind of TF relationship I could have with him. As a result, I kept pushing him away. One reason why I haven’t been on here updating anything for a couple years. Because in my fragile emotional state I wondered, why bother? Right? Crazy, I know! But I finally had a breakthrough just a few nights ago when he managed to make it clear to/remind me that Love isn’t what I had been experiencing in this “dark night of the soul” (I think that’s at least the 3rd one I’ve been through now since I began this journey of reconnecting with Michael almost 10 years ago by now - can it have been so long ago?). That is all nearly behind me now though as I embark on the most exciting and fulfilling part of the perceived life experience in the matrix of this Earth realm. There is a certain sense of satisfaction and peace in my heart as we fast approach this final stage. I have a certain “knowingness” as to how it will all work out, and just let me say that it is amazing and wonderful, and it makes me feel kind of tingly all over when I think about it. Oh, and let’s not forget the tears of Joy. Something to behold!

Things are changing very rapidly that is for sure. So much so as to make one’s head spin. At times I feel like I'm going to spin right off the face to the Earth, and then I realize; I already have. Long ago…

Upcoming, you will see many changes to this website. I know I have indicated that in the past, and could never quite seem to get to it. And for many who have frequented these pages, it will seem as if the website is not much of a website at all, at least in the context of what it once was. Much of the content I feel is impertinent, almost archaic to what is currently taking place in our Earth realm experience, and so, in accordance with one of the two constants in the Universe, it is destined to change to a degree that one will hardly recognize it as it was in its former “glory”. When all is said and done, I think that it eventually will be phased out altogether. This is the way of the Universe. Everything changes ultimately.

I’m going to leave this here now. I have many preparations to make for what is to come. Exciting times are ahead, and I almost cannot wait to manifest them into “reality”

A Blessed morrow to you all, and remember; the sun is shining everywhere, all the time.

Monday, March 27, 2017

It's been a long time, yes?


Here it has not been as long as on Facebook... though when I stopped posting on Facebook, I fully never intended to go back. I'm uncertain now if I will or not. I have not even looked at Facebook for almost a year now. I have no idea what is going on there. When I last posted there my heart was so discombobulated by so much repetition, over and over and over again, it was clear to me that here were a lot of people who seemed quite content being in the illusion, or the "dream" as it were/is. There seemed to be no awareness at all that they had gotten caught up in the cogs of a huge machine that had them going 'round in circles, ever riding the giant hamster wheel of life.

My own viewpoints on those types of things - the spiritual, the mystical, and all of the "woo woo" that goes along with it have changed pretty dramatically. There are things that I still adhere to of course, which will never change, simply because they REALLY are, and not a part of this particular dream in which we currently find ourselves. I would try to explain further, but probably quite in fact if I did your head would probably explode. I know I've cited that reason before as my explanation for not sharing more of what I know... though don't forget that I HAVE tried, but by and large what I had to say was pretty well rejected by the majority I'm guessing. TMI is what they call it I think. Sometimes I can barely wrap my own head around it, and then I remember; oh yeah, I don't have to. LOL One advantage to being everything, everywhere, all at once??? Perhaps...

Every once in a while I do a little reading in hopes of finding a kindred spirit somewhere who really understands unequivocally what is going on here. Unfortunately of the few I've found who have some inkling, none of them are in full congnizance of what it is they've stumbled across. Also, unfortunately, I've determined that it would probably do me no good to try and convey to them the entirety of what it is we have embarked upon here... I'm pretty sure anyway. You see, this is what I've already tried to do in the past and was met with almost hostile disbelief. There really is no point in trying to tell someone something they don't want to hear. They have to find out the hard way; on their own, unaided by a willing helpful hand. I feel bad about that, but what else can I do.

Also, unfortunately that leaves me at times feeling quite alone with no one to talk to. Yes, I can still talk small talk, but it's nice to be able to have a conversation once in a while with someone who really understands what you are talking about.

So, per Michael's suggestion, I sit and I wait. I simply "am" without allowing myself to immerse myself too much into the goings on of this Earth plane, no matter how much others try to drag me back into it. Right now, I have an aspiration to acquire a small property somewhere - around 20 acres I'm thinking would suffice - and create a community farm/vegetable garden type thing. Something somewhere far away from the "fray" that I could feel "content" just "being" ... yes, I know I'm a dreamer, an idealist. Someone has to do the heavy lifting around here, right? Even if it's only for the time being... just to have something to do... while we wait for the rest of everyone to awaken fully to the realization that they really don't have to be here if they don't want to be. And that there's really no trick, no flaming hoops they have to jump through to get to where they DO want to be.

Just become lucid in the dream. Realize that you are only dreaming. And then you can choose either to control the dream at your whim, or wake up.

Angel Wings

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